clutching ice

Twice in our birthing class last week the teacher 'made' us pick up ice and hold on tight until she said stop.

The first time, we didn't have any 'tools' for managing this. I was surprised, sort of, that I couldn't hold on for the entire time allotted this exercise. Bottom line: I am not very tolerant and for whatever reason, when it comes to pain, that grit and sass and digging-deep that i like to think that i bring to pretty much everything else in my life, well, it's non-existent. I think my eyes even welled up with tears (again) because I realize that holding ice is NOT even close to what's about to happen to me. Or shall I say us?

The rest of the class, we learned how to breathe together, which was very reminiscent of my yoga / medication practice. In, two, three, four, Out, two, three, four, five, six. Etc. Aaron and I decided that we need to practice finding the same rhythm and synchronizing our breathing together. We understood the concept, but couldn't quite synch up on the actual breathing. I think we should practice yoga together and he says that he wants to do something that's more about the breath and less about "stretching". Like yoga? (was my reply). Next we learned what different types of touches meant to us. Like, serious touch, encouraging touch, tender touch, etc. And that gave us time to exchange feedback - like, you might think that's a serious touch, but it seems more like you're pissed - etc. Finally, we practiced "positions" that might be good to be in when you're trying to squeeze the equivalent of a HUGE, IT'S NOT MELTING block of ice between your legs, for many many hours on end. A few of them seemed nice. We added the breath, with the touch, with the position, and I made a mental note that I may be learning new skills but I am not yet acquiring new attitudes or behaviors. On the "childbirth competencies" scale, I think I am still at ground zero.

At the end of the class, the ice came back, and we were supposed to use our new tools to practice through the seriously uncomfortable feeling that moves up your arm and into your shoulder within the time-frame of a "typical" contraction. Surprise, surprise, I started holding my breath, tapping my leg, looking around for some way to get out of this. And then, I let the ice go.

Our teacher had not called time. But I didn't cry this time. Well, not while the lights were on at least.

I can definitely see the benefit of this class; already I figure that it's helping to have *something* that you've learned and that you can use to apply to a challenging situation you've never been in before. I'm also calling friends with recent birth experiences and I'm going to start interviewing Doulas in the next couple of weeks.

I would like to learn if my birthing center will offer the "walking epidural" - which seems like a nice option once you're in active labor, if you think you need it. Apparently, it diminishes pain, but does not diminish sensation or motor function. Seems like a nice middle-of-the-road option.